Brooklyn Keeps it Fake.

There’s the difference between Brooklyn and Queens. Brooklyn is a state of mind. Queens is some letters on a map. Brooklyn has a vibrant cultural scene. Queens has two airports. People name there children Brooklyn. People slur homosexuals as Queens.

You would think by saying this, I’m giving whole hearted endorsement to Brooklyn. I’m not. I mean Brooklyn has a lot going for it but the problem with Brooklyn is that it’s always “in da house.”
This expression was getting tired when Rap was still young. Back when I was a teenager, Run DMC could pump up a crowd by asking, “Is Brooklyn in da house? Does the house also contain Queens? Is the Bronx also taking up residence.” In my leafy suburbia, I was struck by the exoticism of such expressions. It was fresh.

By the time I went to college in West Virginia, the freshness had worn off. I remember friends saying things like, “Pocahontas County is in the house.” You would think that would be enough to make any self respecting black person abandon the use of that phrase. Brooklyn, however, seems unaware it should have gone the way of M.C. Hammer’s puffy pants. I’m just glad there’s no proud Brooklynites endorsing their borough with the phrase, “Brooklyn, you can’t touch this.”

The real problem is that Brooklynites who avow to be “in da house” are the ones who should really not be using Ebonics. I was at the Brooklyn Museum one evening and happened upon the director giving a speech to a culturally diverse, well off looking audience. He took time between extolling the Museum’s permanent collection and promoting its temporary shows to say. “Oh, I have one question I need to ask you all. Is Brooklyn in the house?” The audience responded by enthusiastically raising their chardonnay and going “wooo.” I thought, “No. This audience is not in the house. It may be in the brownstone or in the mansion but it is not in da house at all.

Brooklyn is quickly gentrifying. It still has places like the Marcy Projects and East New York that can be a little scary. Huge swaths of it though are becoming Disneyworld. I mean that’s not really a criticism. Disney’s Main Street U.S.A. is flat out beautiful. Urban planners often study it as a great example of design. The difference between Disney and Park Slope in Brooklyn is that Disney doesn’t pretend to have street cred.

Disney will not produce a cartoon where Mickey greets the audience as follows. “What up bitches? It’s your original gangsta Mickey Mouse. I’m like the original M and M yo. I was chillin at my crib with my dog, Goofy and next thing I know Donald gets all up in my grill. So, I busted out my nine and smoked his ass.”

Most of Brooklyn needs to know that they are not now and never have been in the house. Keep it real yo.